My Past un-known, My Present unsure, My Futureempty?
by blackfire93
Summary: I have a past filled with secrets that I haven't told anyone, not even the other Expendable members. Will this cause an irreversible split will I lose the one man I fell in love with because of my past? I write a note that holds my un-spoken love for Barney Ross and leave. What happens?


**!~AUTHOR'S NOTE: PLEASE READ THIS~!**

**I do NOT own the lyrics that I have my OC write. The lyrics belong to Evanescence, the song is called Everybody's Fool, on a CD called Fallen. Please read and review this one-shot. When the words are underlined that means there a thought. Enjoy!**

"Barney!" I hollered as I stormed into Tools garage and tattoo parlor. I was ticked I had been out grabbing a bite to eat when I found out from some of my acquaintances that the Expendables had been given another mission yesterday. And I had just asked Barney this morning if there were any new missions, he had said no. I looked around the garage and saw Tool sitting on his bike smoking his pipe and I realized what had happened, "Their gone aren't they?" I asked as I walked over and stood in front of Tool who nodded. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath letting it out slowly. "Do you have a notebook and a pen that I could use real quick?" I asked keeping my tone even and not showing how angry I really was. "Over there on the counter." Tool replied pointing with his pipe. I nodded my thanks to him and walked over sitting on one of the stools while I opened the notebook and flipped to a clean page, I thought for a minute how to express what I was feeling then I took another moment to make sure that what I wanted to say didn't sound childish then I begin to write.

_**Barney & Group,**_

_**Honestly right now I am extremely ticked at you and the rest of the group. I can't believe that even after you all told me I was part of your group, an Expendable that you would lie and leave without me. I guess I truly am an **_**Expendable**_** huh? If you didn't want me on this mission you could have just told me, however since you didn't that tells me that you don't trust me enough to be honest with me. It also shows that all of you have never truly accepted me as one of you. I know that I may seem young to all of you, and you all seem to think that I need protecting. I know that you guys tried to dig around in my past I also know that you couldn't find anything out about me. The thing is I don't need protecting, the reason that you couldn't find out anything about me is because I simply didn't exist to the world until a month ago. You could have asked me about my past, I swore to all of you that I would only tell the truth. I have decided that since you guys seem to have no trust in me, that I should not force something that can't be. Therefore I, Adenah Mist Venom, with-draw myself from the group 'Expendables.' From now on I will no longer have any connection to any of you or what you do, nor will I let any of my dealings connect to you guys. I hope you all find someone to love, and I hope you all live long and happy lives. If you see me in the street and want to say hi feel free unless I'm in trouble then please don't, again best of wishes. **_

_**Oh and Barney just so this doesn't go un-said I want you to know, I fell in love with you, the real you, and although I cannot turn off my love I will not in any-way try to push it onto you or interfere with your love-life. **_

_**Goodbye,**_

_**Adenah Mist Venom**_

I re-read what I had written before folding up the single sheet then I ripped off two other pieces of paper and put the folded letter in-between the other two pieces and used the stapler behind the counter to clip the four corners shut. I got up and went over to Tool, "Give these to Barney and the guys when they get back would you?" I asked as I gave him the letter. He nodded and took the letter all the while watching me carefully, "You're not going to ask where they are, how long they'll be gone or when they'll be back?" Tool asked surprise lacing his voice as he tried to gauge my reaction. I smiled at Tool who had become like an uncle to me, "Nah. Goodbye Tool. Maybe I'll see you around." I said as I walked out of the garage/tattoo parlor, knowing that this would be my last time walking out of there. I hopped onto my motorcycle and let it roar to life. "Well what should I do now?" I wondered to myself as I flew down miles of road passing dozens of vehicles.

Several hours of driving and I had to pull over to fill up my gas tank when I saw a notice on the bill-board for a singing contest in one of the clubs about twenty miles down the road from where I was. "Are you headed to the club?" The casher asked, it was a teenage boy, "Ah what the heck? I'll give it a shot." I thought as I gave the boy a fake smile, "Yeah are you?" I asked casually paying for my gas a pack gum, cigarettes, beef jerky a lighter and a bottle of water. "Well I'm not going to sing but I am going to head down there as soon as my shift ends." The boy said shyly. I gave him another smile, this time it was real, "Well maybe I'll see you there." I said friendly before taking my change and leaving. I had my snack then tossed the garbage before popping in a piece of gum and heading down to the club.  
When I finally got to the club I was told that the contestants had to write their own songs and the band would play to the beat. Luckily I was the 74th contestant and it was only on the 19th contest so I had enough time to come up with something. I was given several blank sheets of lined paper and a pen then sent off to write my song. I mulled over what I wanted to write while I watched the club become more and more packed. As I watched all the young teen girls walk back and forth with tons of make-up and tight and short clothes on I got inspired and begin to write. Three hours later and it was on the 65th contest when I saw the kid from the gas station he was with a group of friends from the looks of it. I smiled and waved at him, and smirked as he blushed before he waved back at me with a smile, while his friends stared at me in surprise. After another hour it was my turn, I stood up and made my way up to the band, I showed them my song and told them the beat I had for it. They were really good so I was hoping that they would get what I wanted, and luckily they seemed to understand what I wanted. I saw the door open again and several big figures entered but all the lights blocked my view of the door and the band started to play an intro. I took a deep breath and began to sing,

_Perfect by nature,  
Icons of self-indulgence.  
Just what we all need,  
More lies about a world that..._

_...never was and never will be._  
_Have you no shame? Don't you see me?_  
_You know you've got everybody fooled._

_Look, here she comes now._  
_Bow down and stare in wonder._  
_Oh, how we love you._  
_No flaws when you're pretending._

_But now I know she..._

_...never was and never will be._  
_You don't know how you've betrayed me._  
_And somehow you've got everybody fooled._

_Without the mask, where will you hide?_  
_Can't find yourself, lost in your lie._

_I know the truth now,_  
_I know who you are,_  
_And I don't love you anymore._

_It never was and never will be._  
_You don't know how you've betrayed me._  
_And somehow you've got everybody fooled._

_Never was and never will be._  
_You're not real and you can't save me._  
_Somehow now you're everybody's fool._

The club had been quite as I had started singing and for a second I thought I had made a huge mistake, then the club erupted in claps and cheers. I smiled and nodded then motioned to the band giving them credit before I walked off the stage and to the bar intent on getting a drink then getting the heck out of there. "Why did I come here in the first place?" I wondered to myself as I finally made it to the bar amidst people congratulating me and guys trying to grope me. I ordered a shot and quickly tossed it back before turning to leave, only to come face to face with Barney Ross, the one man I loved, and the one man I was intent on not ever seeing again. I'm sure my eyes were the size of dinner plates as I watched Lee, Yin, Gunner, Hale and Toll come out from behind Barney. "Maybe they didn't get the letter yet." I mentally hoped until I say it clenched in Barney's fist. "What are you guys doing here?" I asked, well more like hollered over the loud music that was now blaring and the awful screeching cat noise that I assume was someone trying to sing. When none of them answered I shrugged and walked into the crowd surrounding the bar, before walking around them in a large circle and out of the club.

I immediately lit up a cigarette trying to calm my very hyper aware nerves, after I took a deep inhale of my cigarette I tossed it to the concrete and smothered it with my steel-toed black boots. I didn't smoke often and I had been doing really good as of lately but this, well I needed the small bit of nicotine I had gotten, I popped in a piece of gum and started down the block intent on getting to my bike. I heard the club door slam open as I waited for the light to change so I could cross the street. The light just turned red, when I heard Barney's husky voice holler, "Adenah!" From behind me, I turned around curious as to why he would be hollering for me I got my answer when he came barreling down the sidewalk and grabbed me in tight hug. His head was between my shoulder and neck, my arms hung by my side as I tried to process what was happening. Slowly I wrapped my arms around Barney, still wondering what was going on and whether or not I was dreaming. "You can't leave!" Barney said as he pulled back slightly from the hug. I raised an eyebrow, "And why not?!" I demanded to know, not too happy with being told what I could and couldn't do. "Because…I…mkdlafjsdshf." Barney said, mumbling the last part. "What?" I asked confused. "I said because I…dog gone it I love you to!" Barney said the last part seemed to burst out of his mouth without his permission. My arms dropped from around him, I was shocked and a bit disbelieving it must have showed on my face because in a desperate attempt to show me that he was serious Barney kissed me on the mouth hard and desperate. The shock lasted only a couple of seconds before I begin to kiss him back, the kiss didn't lose any desperation as we both were desperate to convey our feelings. We parted only when the need for oxygen could no longer be ignored and Barney leaned his forehead on mine as we got our breath back. I heard the boy's wolf-whistling and realized they must have seen us kissing. I gazed up into Barney's eyes and smiled, "Well you present a very good reason for me to stay." I said. We both laughed and turned to go back to the club for a night of drinks and talking. I felt my smile grow brighter as I felt Barney link his hand in mine as we walked. We had many things to talk about and I would have to share my horrible past one-day but for now I was happy. "By the way I didn't know you could sing." Barney said as we walked up to the club. "One of the many things you don't know about me, I gained my talent from my past." I said before smirking at his surprised expression and walking back into the full club.


End file.
